Instead of Dreaming

In a room illuminated only by the orange lights of the street, where one could barely see another's face if not by looking straight into their eyes, two young ones who had chosen to spend some time together were enjoying each other's company.

Standing by the window was a young man, looking lost while gazing at the sky. Sitting by the kitchen's table was a girl, whose though's the young man was too much of a boy to properly grasp. And knowing so, he chose to talk.

"You know... I was talking about love with a friend of mine yesterday." He said, still gazing outside.

"Love? What do you mean?" She answered, maybe while looking at him.

"Well, I was actually talking about people we admire. People we envy. People whom we wish we could be more like. People who we like to spend time with. Who we want in our lives. Then I realized we were talking about people we love." He said, a strange smile coming naturally to his lips. "I remember saying that sometimes such people are like the sun. Like stars. We can't help but want to gravitate around them. You know what he asked me then?"

He turned around to look at her. Not avoiding her gaze, staring straight into her eyes, he waited.

"No. What did he asked?" She finally said.

"He asked, 'if such people are like the sun, how do you see yourself?'. And I couldn't answer then."

Dropping his gaze, he sighted for a moment. He was clearly not sure of what he was doing. Clearly afraid of what he was sharing. But gathering a little bit more courage, he faced her again.

"But I think I can answer now. I feel like I can perceive myself better now. If my loved ones are like the sun... Then I am something like a tree. No, a small forest." He said, his smile turning somewhat humorous and self-conscious for his words. "I can only truly breath and live while the sun is shining upon me, but even if at night things can get a bit scary inside, I am always full of life."

Walking slowly, he then approached her and extended his hand to her face, not quite touching but almost as if caressing her cheeks with utmost care.

"Do you trust me?" He said.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you trust me? There is no problem with saying no. I won't mind if you don't. I just want to give you something if you can trust me."

"What is that something?"

"I still don't know. But trust me. Please."

He stared into her eyes for who knows long. She blinked. Took a deep breath. And answered.

"I don't know."

He smiled again. His third smile that night. His saddest smile ever.

"Then it's all right. I can always dream."

And retracting his hand, he went back to the window, with his back to her. Maybe he cried. Maybe he was relieved. Maybe he was sad. One thing was sure though,

It was night, but all was well. He was still full of life.

Lucas Rangel Lima